Finally Ready

Do you ever think of what deeply moves you?

It's a chilly August day here in the mountains at about 9,000ft above sea level. I am sitting at my favorite coffee shop sipping on Moroccan mint tea and listening to the song, Someone Like You by Adele on repeat. Her voice moves me, the lyrics make me feel vulnerable as they remind me of time in my own life when I was aching because of a very painful breakup. It was my first love and the first person from whom I could accept love from. The memories of my life then are flooding through my mind as I listen to her words.

It is so freaking amazing how music can move us and bring us to our knees. How it can crack us wide open, cause us to feel what we are afraid to feel. How it can transport us back into time and flood our being with emotions that we have been denying ourselves from feeling. Music moves us because we get very present with ourselves. We stop our mind, the chatter, the constant noise. We begin to deeply listen, we allow ourselves to feel and let go for just 5 minutes. We allow ourselves to be transported into a state of bliss that opens us, expands us as we tap into the depth of being.

This post isn't supposed to be about love, relationships or deep pain. I am just allowing the words to flow through me right now. What comes will come. I cannot predict what will come forth, but I am open to it all. In this moment I am present with the message coming through as I listen to the beautiful music I am hearing in my headphones.

Pause.

Do you ever think of what deeply moves you? What when you think of ignites a flame within you and lights up your being? Since I was a kid, I could remember its always been about self-actualization. I was always curious about what I was capable of. What I could do with my life and how I could make it meaningful, ridiculously fun and give without limits.

This is the reason why I always found the self-help section of the bookstore enticing. It fed this curiosity of mine. It allowed me to understand that I wasn't the only lonesome one with such thoughts. I devoured these books. The first actual self-help book that feel into my lap was, The Secret all because of Oprah.

I used to avidly watch The Oprah Winfrey show as a teenager. It was my after school guilty pleasure while I waited to do my homework. She shared the book on one of her shows and it caught my attention. I remember scrapping up all the money I had in my piggy bank to go buy this book. When I started reading the book, I was like what the heck, how come I never knew this stuff before?

Is this really how the Universe is. Is this shit real? At 15 years old it blew my mind, but it really didn't at the same time because I was like duh this shit is real as real gets. I didn't how I knew the information in this book, but I decided to start sharing it with everyone. By everyone I mean my sister.

She didn't take a keen interest in it, so I just kept it to myself. This book opened my mind to what my heart had always known. However, like most teenagers my priorities weren't to live out the teachings of this book because being cool, fitting in and getting through high school was way more important to me.

So I forgot about the book and got on with my life. The years up until what I call my divine storm, I went through some serious shit that brought me to my knees and I was finally open, finally willing, finally ready to let God in. In that surrender, I decided to stop half assing through life, but really really really begin to live my life because it was my responsibility to myself. I leaned into what moved me: to live self-actualized and help others live out the truth of their own identity beyond form. I got into Spirituality and decided to dedicate my life to learning it and then learning it some more by teaching through my own life experiences.

What I learned because of my divine storm:

+ God will knock you down when you are really ready to be knocked back up

+ Life will give you exactly what you need to help you learn and grow

+ There is no other place to go except the top after you've hit rock bottom

+ Your moods will come and go, they are like the weather, but they aren't you

+ Your only REAL JOB is to love yourself, everything else is just icing on the cake

+ Your choices don't define, your thoughts about your choices do

Now I am here, alive with a big grateful heart because I kept going all while trying deciding to understand that it is okay. It is always okay. If I am still breathing, then I still have a reason to be here.

That reason is what deeply moves me.

Your life will show you this. Allow it to.

This will become your message, your story and your way of expressing your God Self to this world.

Be patient. Be gentle. Be kind.